Welcome back!!! Let’s pick up from where we stopped.
I began to journey into the valley of lust and the desert of sin as I grew more attracted to Ben.
The signs that I was lusting was clear but my teenage adamant heart wouldn’t let me use my head and be wise.
Dr. Helen Fisher, a well-known researcher on the topic of romantic love, has identified three stages to falling in love in her book “Why Him? Why Her?: How to Find and Keep Lasting Love.”
She wrote about the stages of lust and love in that book. The first stage which is about lust is what i would like to make reference to.
Stage 1: Lust
Lust is the first stage of falling in love. It’s driven by desire. The sex hormones play an important role in this stage. According to experts, this stage may begin immediately and can last up to two years.
Signs that you’re in lust:
- You’re focused on the physical appearance of the object of your desire.
- There is a strong desire to have sex, but not deep emotional conversations.
- You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
- You are lovers, but not necessarily friends.
According to her, “Lust is the first stage of falling in love”, I interpret that to mean; It’s just a phase. It doesn’t mean that it would progress beyond that stage or that it is the right step to take or the proper way to feel.
The Bible frowns against us as God’s Precious Possessions to be entangled in such feelings because they are driven by sexual desires. Lust is in no way a normal feeling for us as Christians or as Princesses of the Most High God.
I would talk about the signs that shows that I was lusting according to Dr.Helen Fisher.
#The first sign: You’re focused on the physical appearance of the object of your desire.
I was definitely focused on his physical appearance because he looked really handsome to me. I usually drew a picture of him in my head anytime I was I alone. I couldn’t get over everything about his looks from the Afro hair (oh my he was really hairy, both his hands and legs was covered with hair). Another thing that gave me goosebumps was his physique; tall and not so slender nor chubby and then to crown it all he was really handsome (a lot girls wanted to have him to themselves). Me having him made me feel on top of the world especially because of the fact that i didn’t have many guys running after me as a teenager).
#The second sign: There is a strong desire to have sex, but not deep emotional conversations.
This was also true. All I wanted was for Ben to hold me, kiss me, touch me; anything that had to do with physical contact with him. I wasn’t really interested in emotional conversations or talks about us progressing, planning for the future or even our careers.
#The third sign: You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
I guess at some point I wanted to discuss real feelings but he was definitely not interested in such talks. I decided to go along with his feelings and fantasized about our relationship.
Let’s talk about the fourth sign in my next column Precious. I can’t wait!!!!
Till then don’t you forget that you are God’s Precious Possession