The hidden bittersweet lifestyle

Tobi was a great boyfriend and amazing listener. We had been living together as a couple whilst on campus. We were in the same department in University, we did almost everything together and of course, we had been began having sex, using contraceptives the whole work.

We were not just live in lovers, we were best of friends; everything was perfect in our cocoon until I would go to church and return to our room guilty because I knew our hidden lifestyle was wrong.

It got so bad we tried to ‘pray the sex away’ because we were both Christians but we could not help but fall back into sin. It was difficult. We tried everything, from sleeping in different rooms, crashing at different hostels occasionally, to even Tobi moving out of our place, but we just ended up back in each other’s arms repeatedly. Our lifestyle was a high that felt so good and yet so bad at the same time.

It got to the point where we both had to be honest with ourselves and accept that we could not stop having sex, as we had grown attached to each other physically and nothing could been done about that part of our lives.

We revelled in our situation, became blinded by it. We would even go to church as couples and whenever the anti-fornication sermon came up in church, we became deaf to it. It did nothing in us; our conscience was dead to it.

Eventually we broke up and I could not give my heart to another for years. It was very difficult to break myself away from him emotionally and subsequent relationships suffered because I could not stop talking about Tobi and the new guys felt insecure about it and broke up with me. In fairness to them, emotionally I was still attached to Tobi and iIcould not get back together with him for some other reasons.

I decided to devote time to my relationship with God and writing to Him about my sex struggles. In one of our sessions I realised I had deadened my conscience to sexual sin and I had to repent of that, to fully heal and get over him.

I have learnt to unburden my thoughts, fears and hopes about sex, life to God and asking him for help, answers to questions where there might be problems.

Later I will shed some light on what ‘soul ties’ are all about.

Until then, remember that you are God’s precious possession. 

With love, 



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