Let me begin by telling you that I am a testimony of God’s grace and love. I am going to be sharing a lot with you and I hope to have helped you more on your journey at the end of the day.
I was one of the most delightful ladies in secondary school; every guy wanted to date me, everyone wanted to be my friend; I was brilliant and intelligent. I really was a star.
I turned down so many offers because I already had a boyfriend. My then boyfriend, whom I broke up with before secondary school graduation, was a great guy! He never pressured me for sex or anything. He never even hugged me so I enjoyed my relationship.
I finished secondary school at 16. I applied to two schools, a federal and state university. When I went for my post UTME in the federal school, I had my first kiss with a guy who I will call Mike. Mike was so amazing. He asked if he could kiss me and I said YES…lol.
The kiss was awesome, and of course, it escalated into other things. Mike kissed and touched me right; I totally enjoyed it; I mean, it was my first time with a man and he knew. And then he asked me for sex, and I said NO. He asked a couple times more, still ‘no’ and he let me be. And so I thought all men are like that. You say ‘no’, and they go! Oh, how wrong was I?
I didn’t get the federal school but I gained admission into a state-owned university immediately without my parents having to press any buttons. I was so excited. My parents were so proud. Off I went to school, a naive 16-year-old who had a great experience with one guy and assumed all men were like that.
I met a secondary school mate at the university and so I stayed with her for a bit, pending when I would get my own place. One night, my housemate’s cousin came by when she wasn’t around under the guise of ‘coming to keep me company so I wouldn’t be bored’. We spoke randomly, nothing sexual at all, and then I was sleepy and told him I wanted to sleep. Next he kissed me, I kissed him back. He started touching me, then I told him to stop, that I wanted to sleep because I really didn’t want to do anything with him.
Before I knew it, we were struggling on the bed (the room had just a bed, we had no chairs, so all guests sit on the bed). He was hell bent on having sex with me. I was screaming, begging and fighting at the same time. I had never fought so hard for anything like I did that day in my life till date.
I managed to get off the bed and attempted to run out of the door. He got to the door before me (he was that fast), and bolted the door. I ran to window, still screaming and begging him. Right outside the window, I saw his friend, standing outside, listening to all that had been going on in the room. The way he was positioned, it was obvious he didn’t just get there. He had been there for a while.
I realised it was a set up. But either way, I kept begging and screaming. He then stopped and he told me something before he left, he said ‘Mimi, I believe sex should be enjoyed, and so I won’t force this again. But know that that is why I am leaving you. If you like wear 10 pairs of jeans, if I want to have you, I will; but sex is to be enjoyed’. And he left. I broke down on my bed. I had heard of rape but had never experienced or seen anyone that had gone through it.
I woke up the next morning, the story was different. He told his friends that he had sex with me. Those ones too would come to ask me out, hoping to have sex with me too. Like wildfire, the news went round that I was now a whore in the university, they said I sleep with men anyhow. The way the numbers came up, I was wondering who they were talking about. You know when you hear your story and you feel you have to be introduced to the person they are talking about. That was me. It was a very sad moment for me. My ‘stardom’ literally crashed. I was so broken. No one called to ask me what happened, save for my best friend and a guy who was asking me out in school. They were the only two that stood by me.
I had no friends. No one was calling me. I was so lonely and I couldn’t handle it. I left home one day with the aim of buying some drugs to overdose on. Then my father called me, and told me to come home.
I was a shadow of myself. I wasn’t bubbly or cheerful at all. Because of that experience, I totally believed sex was kissing a guy.
I later found out that the guy who attempted to rape me was HIV positive as at the time of the event. You see why my story is that of grace and love?
I went back to the school, packed my bags with my mom and then started JAMB lessons again so I could go to a private, Christian university. But I was injured already, I couldn’t love myself anymore. I couldn’t love a man. I couldn’t let any man move close to me talk less of touching me. I saw myself as a whore. I was really broken. Men were out to hurt me became my mindset. My parents tried to help, but the pain was too internal for them to see. And that was when my journey in life really began.
See you next week.