The touch that made me feel dirty

My name is Tioluwanimi.

Growing up as a young girl I lived practically going to church almost everyday. 

On one of these fateful days, my mom was in a meeting and the children were asked to stay in the children’s church. We all did and we were having fun.

At some point my friend needed to use the toilet so she asked me to follow her. I agreed. When we got to the toilet she asked me a very strange question. I say strange because of how old we were and the kind of question she asked. “Have u been kissed before?”

I stood still when I heard the question. Stunned, I answered “no I haven’t.”  Then she said, “Oh ok,” and the next thing I remember was that I got kissed that beautiful afternoon.

Leaving the toilet that day I never forgot the encounter which opened up the door for other similar encounters. The touching started, the pressing and all other types of “fore play”. Don’t forget all of this was with a “girl” friend.

As time went on I needed to satisfy my bodily pleasures and my female neighbour also got involved. It became an  everyday affair until I went for  church program one day and the Pastor talked about presenting ourselves holy. I vowed to change my ways that day and be better. 

Leaving the program, I was very enthusiastic and positive not to go back to my old ways, but the challenge got tougher and tougher because my friend’s family moved to Lagos and my neighbours moved to their house (not at the same time though).

So I resorted to touching myself; something we call “masturbation”. The real struggle started when I got urges to touch myself and there was no one to touch or rather I made up my mind no one could touch me again, so I would touch myself and after I would feel really dirty!!

I cried so many times to God. I needed help and I needed it immediately. After many nights of crying and choosing to forgo the urges (though not easy), God helped me and I finally developed a new habit. Whenever I felt the urge, I’d leave the place I’m in and look for godly and good people around to make me forget about it (most of them knew what I was battling with).

I tried never to be alone again,  even when I want to take a bath. I’ll make sure my sister or someone keeps tab on me so I don’t start extending the time I’m to spend to start touching myself. It eventually came to an end. The hold of masturbation over me was broken.

I’m so grateful I am a survivor and not a victim. I came out strong and you can too. 

Of course I’m not perfect and I’m still walking towards that mark of perfection to which God has called me but every day, I can hold my head high and walk victoriously because I am a child of God. 


You can have victory over every addiction! 




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